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Dear Call Centre, I just want someone to listen to me...

5/6/2014

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I hate dealing with big businesses. My past experiences are so bad that when I encounter anything that requires me to talk to a call centre a little part of me dies inside. When our home flooded in 2007 we moved house four times in under a year and each time I ended up in tears on the phone at some time. And yes, it was mainly you, BT Broadband.

 - The Operations part of big businesses worships efficiency. It's not entirley their fault. They are always under the cosh to rationalise and only ever seen as a cost to the business.

 - Bureaucracy worships process. Customers aren't people. They are square pegs, to be suffered and counted and categorised and treated with utter contempt.

- Call centres worship scripts. They make wage slaves move to the beat of the drums of efficiency and process, regardless of outcome.

Currently I am having to set up a new business bank account for reasons too dull to share, but also to do with the need to meet someone else's requirements for efficiency and process. And you'd imagine opening a business bank account would be simple. A new customer. Surely, the holy grail of today's world. You'd think banks would be falling over themselves. Oh Lord, you'd be wrong. So wrong. It's probably easier to score Class A drugs. Or to get a gun and strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.

So, this week, unfortunately being a committed pacifist unable to take a toke of skunk without passing out behind the sofa in a pool of my own vomit, I shall mostly be naming and shaming those banks who have made me want to scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon and post them off as proof of my identity.    


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