I used to be wildly opinionated – back in simpler times when there was always room for one bore in the pub. Before he became the leader of UKIP. Before the birth of the internet and every dickhead in eternity started swinging their willies. Before “under the line” comments of such unfathomable stupidity became the majority view and held up a mirror to one's own worst ramblings.
I determined to change. I determined to look for the positive. I even started an “in praise of” facebook group that celebrated the nicer side of life, that worked as a rejoinder to the darker side of internet twattishness.
But then my mother-in-law bought us a toaster for Christmas, to replace one whose obsolescence had been carefully calibrated by engineers working to a capitalist template of wanton consumption that frankly had already put me in a bad mood.
And it was then that Victor Meldrew erupted from within me. Like a bad dose of acid reflux. Not immediately, for the new toaster is a thing of beauty. The man, and I am quite sure it was designed by a man, had hewn it from black sheen and shiny metallic buttons. It leans into the kitchen work-tops with a sense of its own entitlement. I'd be very surprised if its formative years weren't spent at Oxford where it got a first in PPE whilst pretending it never went to Eton. It expects you to bow down before it.
It's a classic, apparently. As though a designer can name something such and lo and behold it becomes one. Or maybe it's ironic. The Tefal Avanti Classic. Forwards-leaning and timeless. I see what they were aiming for at their strokey-beard meetings. They just forgot one slight thing.
It doesn't take a slice of bread. Barely half a slice. It's the most fucked up piece of half-arsed, form-over-function, cuntishness I've suffered since Victor Kiam bought the fucking company.
Just sharing...
I determined to change. I determined to look for the positive. I even started an “in praise of” facebook group that celebrated the nicer side of life, that worked as a rejoinder to the darker side of internet twattishness.
But then my mother-in-law bought us a toaster for Christmas, to replace one whose obsolescence had been carefully calibrated by engineers working to a capitalist template of wanton consumption that frankly had already put me in a bad mood.
And it was then that Victor Meldrew erupted from within me. Like a bad dose of acid reflux. Not immediately, for the new toaster is a thing of beauty. The man, and I am quite sure it was designed by a man, had hewn it from black sheen and shiny metallic buttons. It leans into the kitchen work-tops with a sense of its own entitlement. I'd be very surprised if its formative years weren't spent at Oxford where it got a first in PPE whilst pretending it never went to Eton. It expects you to bow down before it.
It's a classic, apparently. As though a designer can name something such and lo and behold it becomes one. Or maybe it's ironic. The Tefal Avanti Classic. Forwards-leaning and timeless. I see what they were aiming for at their strokey-beard meetings. They just forgot one slight thing.
It doesn't take a slice of bread. Barely half a slice. It's the most fucked up piece of half-arsed, form-over-function, cuntishness I've suffered since Victor Kiam bought the fucking company.
Just sharing...
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