Referendum betting update: We're fucked, abandon all boats, the Russians are coming. The great unwashed believe austerity is caused by immigration and that cuddly Boris and Rupert the Bear will look after all their worries. Stories beat facts and turkeys vote for Christmas. Europe will fall. The centre cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
Well, it certainly feels like it. I haven't spoken to anyone in Shropshire who is for Remain. Granted it's 1954 here and strictly speaking we haven't even joined the Common Market yet, but Daryl tells me the same from Dorset, which has towns that have nearly made it to 1987.
In fact, if anyone can dial in from anywhere other than our hotbeds of metropolitan pansies and foreigners, like Bristol or that there London, with reports of anything other than sad little Englanders sharpening their pitch-forks and heading for Lille singing Ten German Bombers, please cheer me up.
Where was I? Ah, yes betting. It's now 5/4 on Brexit. We're in flip-flopping favourites territory, and that's usually terrible news if you backed the original favourite as people who know more than you take advantage of your optimism and stupidity.
Three positive thoughts sustain me as I complete my bunker under the greenhouse: Firstly the polling magus I'm following thinks the current news still means there's only a 33% chance of Brexit but I'm beginning to think he may less of a guru and more of an idiot.
Two - a report over the weekend said that a huge percentage of people don't make up their minds properly until the last week, or even in the polling booth, when the full enormity of what they are proposing hits them and they presumably get cold feet. I suggest all polling stations be turned into temporary trenches and gun emplacement centres - that should remind people what a divided Europe looks like and, if it doesn't, we can leave them that way in preparation for World War Three.
Lastly, the EU really will fall if we leave. I'm not sure anyone's actually pointed this out - possibly not even to those leading the EU. Perhaps we should, you know give them a nudge a bit, and get them to offer up a few baubles to distract the swarming hordes of zombies sleepwalking us back to the dark ages.
Love to all...