Benbatl: Godolphin run three donkeys. This is the slowest of them.
Best Solution: Oh, I love Pat Cosgrave and he rides these southern undulating tracks better than anyone. So pleased he's finally getting rides on Godolphin horses. But honestly - what do donkeys get for lunch on Weston-Super-Mare beach?
Capri: The first of Ballydoyle's eleventy-five darts. Posh holiday places don't win the Derby. Fact.
Cliffs of Moher: Ballydoyle's number one. Saint Ryan Moore on board as he was when the horse ran like a drunken duck with piles at Chester. Good luck doing that here, though the Queen will be backing him, being basically in love with Ryan. Never seen her smile at anyone like she does him.
Cracksman: Frankie. Ah, Frankie. Bless him, landed me some doubloons on Enable in the Oaks today - still a great jockey. On a very slow horse. The Epsom trial is the first of the Derby Trials and when Cracksman won it, no-one, no-one at all, ever thought he'd still be favourite two months on.
Crown Eagle: Even Gosden's throwing his pit ponies at the race. There was a time Gosden won listed races with Group horses - 'cause he'd been brought up that way. Now he's aiming the other way around.
Douglas MacCarthur: For a long time Ballydoyle have been naming their well-bred horses after famous people. George Washington. Churchill. Douglas MacCarthur ain't an A list name is he? Let alone Dylan Thomas.
Dubai Thunder: Does that even happen? Like, ever?
Eminent: I unloaded a pocketfull of currency on him for the Guineas/Derby double when he won the Craven. Ooooh, he's good, I said. I was wrong, He isn't.
Glencadam Glory: If you're tired of reading, how do you think I feel? Gosden again. Will make a nice novice hurdler at somewere like Stratford as soon as they cut his balls off.
Khalidi: Gosden again. Supplemented late at a cost of a mere £80000. I'm guessing Gosden just hates his owner, and given that the owner is Andrew Lloyd Webber, that's certainly possible.
Pealer: Gosden again. Silvestre De Sousa rides. He rides Epsom better than anyone. So, if ALL the other horses don't turn up, he has a chance - each way.
Permian: Also supplemented for the full 80k. Have to say he's proven himself the best of these so far. Then again, there was a time I was the best over 40s tennis player in Lloyd Park, Croydon, of a Monday morning. Possibly.
Rekindling: You know, don't let it go out in the first place...
Salouen: Nope, never heard of him, and expect I never will.
The Anvil: Oooh, he's going to lead. Hammer down round Tattenham Corner. You could back him at 100/1 and dance around the living room like a loon as he enters the straight two lengths clear. You could.
Venice Beach: O'Brien's got another of his kids on this one - meritocracy in action. (It's actually illegal in jumps racing to be a jockey unless your dad's a trainer - true.)
Wings of Eagles: O'Brien literally running out of family members...
Diore Lia: A charity runner. Couldn't win the shittiest race you've ever seen at Lingfield all weather on a cold rainy January Monday. 500/1 Every chance.
So there you have it. never fear, I'll be back tomorrow with the winner.